Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hippo gnu deer
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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