i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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