i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
