You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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