an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
