No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a burrito and a hug.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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