so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize