The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
