i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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