i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
