he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No subtext here. People are naked.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
