I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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