And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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