I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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