I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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