If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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