I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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