dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
