There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
