the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
