I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said