Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
