if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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