I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
