Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
