New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
