It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
