"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
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Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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