Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
