I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You smell like stripper and shame
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
