You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
