so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
