I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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