I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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