I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
