I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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