She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
