don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize