I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
