i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need a burrito and a hug.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
