i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
