At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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