The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
