Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
