I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
