So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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