U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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