I hope mine doesn't look like that
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
