and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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