woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I AM VODKA MAN
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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