I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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