I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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