and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
