I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
