you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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