the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
