The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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