our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
