Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
