just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
