Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
